You are sitting on your parents’ couch. It is 8:30 on a Saturday morning. You are watching some cartoon like ‘Doug’ or ‘Dexter’s Laboratory’, bowl of Fruity Pebbles nestled comfortably into your pantless lap. Enthralled by the hijinks of your favorite cartoon characters, a most unexpected and assaulting interruption rips into your TV set: this Baby Bottle Pop Ad.
Now, listen. I loved cuckoo clocks and pipe cleaners and Reese’s Pieces just like everyone else as a kid, but this commercial…it has been stuck in my head since the above scenario unfurled in 1998. I never had a Baby Bottle Pop as a kid – candies that had nothing to offer but a sugar stick dipped into sugar powder did not appeal to me. They still don’t.
So why am I reviewing this Baby Bottle Pop that was kindly given to me some months ago, if I already have such a negative opinion of products in its class? Well, I want to be somewhat impartial for once in my life. Let’s start with the packaging.
As you can see, it is a very unique product. Its shape and concept appeal to children of all ages, the novelty value is high. I mean, it’s a bottle with a nipple made of candy, which according to the commercial, you “lick, dip, and shake”. It’s like Fun Dip for high maintenance children.
Oh. Okay. I guess I’m the high maintenance one, because when I rip the top off anything covered in plastic wrapping in this day and age, I expect the manufacturer to have the common decency to perforate the wrapping right below the seal. Look at this thing now, it’s bare. It almost looks sad! I’m not sure how much fun it will be to lick and dip without seeing the colorful packaging with each shake. Alright, let’s do this.
The flavor I chose is called Rainbow Sherbet. I’m not going to lie to you, it tastes like sticking your hand into an old pot of water and then directly into a stale bag of sugar and licking it off. The texture is unpleasant, a bit chalky, although I will say the action of eating it is more fun than your average lickable candy.
Overall, I have to give the Rainbow Sherbet flavored Baby Bottle Pop the following rating:
Why? It tastes bad. The packaging, while colorful and fun, rips off entirely when the seal is removed. It made my teeth feel chalky and my tongue look like I have tongue rot. I would never buy this, but I will continue to sing the song. It’s not really a choice at this point.