Yesterday was Thanksgiving. Upon waking, I felt groggy and anxious – frankly not overwhelmed with excitement at the day. My diet has been poor lately, and that usually skyrockets the symptoms of my body dysmorphia and morphs it into a unique agoraphobia – it makes me want to never leave the house if I feel fat or ugly. How strange, I know.
It gets to a point where I feel like I don’t deserve to take better care of myself. Some tipping point where I go from caring a little and feeling pretty okay, to slipping back into depression and being able to care less, then once I gain a few pounds from that depression I fall face first into this crazy thing I feel I cannot stop at times.
A flicker of an image of my niece popped into my head. I wanted to see her and share the holiday with her. Then, my sister. Then, my brother. Eventually I rose out of bed without even trying. I got ready and made the drive.
The whole day was lovely – my sister made lots of vegan dishes for both of us, which was nice and made me feel welcome and like I was sharing something special with her. We all had meaningful conversations and caught up with each other.
Seeing the children run around, seeing all of our little families growing together, I really felt thankful to be a part of it. Most importantly, it reminded me to take things moment by moment and keep my focus on what matters. Things that make you feel really good to be alive, things that make you feel appreciated and like you are part of something bigger than yourself. For some that might be their family, for others their faith, friends, or a hobby or career.
So I head into next week with a goal in mind: Be thankful all year. Focus on things that make you feel good, happy, and appreciated. I think it’s a good goal fo you, too.